Expert Relationship Advice: The Exclusivity Trap!

By Megan Weks

Are you stuck in an exclusive relationship but not really ready for a monogamous one on one? While we all yearn for that special someone to be just ours, jumping into exclusivity too soon can be damaging, especially to women. Read the expert relationship advice below to help you make healthier dating decisions.

Expert Relationship Advice to Help You Stand Up for Your Best Interests in a Relationship!

What angers me the most about being a relationship coach is the same reason I am a relationship coach: women are breaking their own hearts. Yesterday, three women reached out to me in desperation. They each have a man but they are feeling frustrated and nervous. Their stomachs are in balls of knots, they are crossing their fingers for luck, and they are extremely anxious. Why? Because their needs are not being met in their new relationships. Interestingly, these women happily agreed to jump into the situations they now find themselves in. Didn’t they want a boyfriend? Afterall, that was their goal. Now, however, they feel trapped in exclusivity with men that may not be right for them.

Related Link: Expert Dating Advice: How to Handle Heartbreak

The “going steady” dating model, by the way, did not occur until the 1940s. It was born out of the desire for — and the more acceptable view of — casual sex. Before that, people would take their time to really determine if someone was a match, and then get married through a leisurely process called “courting.” The “going steady” dating model, or “linear” dating, as I call it, can be extremely disempowering for a woman who has the goal of getting married within the next couple of years.

You meet a man. You date and spend time at his place and at yours. You get close, enjoy his compliments, and share laughs. Things are going great. You feel attached to him. You are excited to finally find someone who sees what you have to offer: how special you are. You feel like a celebrity couple at first. You feel comfortable and slip into that girlfriend role with ease…heck, you’ve been waiting a while for this. You’re sick and tired of being “out there.” Now it’s your turn.

Or, is it…?

Suddenly, he starts to get a bit lazy. The communication isn’t what you feel it should be from a boyfriend. He said he wasn’t dating others, and you aren’t supposed to, either. However, you don’t know if you’re seeing him this weekend or not. You’re playing the waiting game…again. The nervousness, the anxiety-stricken feeling, the knots in the pit of your stomach return. You start thinking that you’re running out of time and that you’re back in the waiting game. You want this all to be over. It’s a familiar feeling, and it’s awful.

Related Link: Expert Relationship Advice: How to Move on After Being Ghosted

“How did I get here again? Why is dating, and men, in particular, so difficult? What can I do to save this relationship?” You don’t want to make plans with your friends and then have to cancel on them if he comes around. You think to yourself, if you just see him again you’ll get the magic back. So you push to see him again. You will accommodate his busy schedule. You make excuses for him. You accept less than you deserve. You lack integrity for yourself. You worry that if you stand up for yourself or push for more time, it will backfire. It’s like your fate is dependent on his next move, which is determined by a stupid little flashing red light on a digital screen. You peek at it all day while at work.

Ladies, if you find yourself in this position, get yourself out of exclusivity. Exclusivity is a trap! You have no business spending your precious mind, sanity, and time waiting for a man to choose you. While it may not be what you want to hear in relationship advice, you must get yourself back out there and explore your options. Allow a man to get to know you, and allow yourself to get to know him and his intentions deeply before you jump into an exclusive relationship.

Rushing over to his place and getting cozy is the lazy dater’s way to find relief. You both can’t wait to drop the pesky formalities of dating, jump in the bed, and experience what the relationship would be like — now. The problem with this is, the formalities are actually an important part of the courtship process, and a courtship process is exactly what you need to go through in order to avoid getting into “the exclusivity trap!”

Expert Relationship Advice: How to Move On After Being Ghosted

By Megan Weks

Ghosted? Congratulations! While it may hurt to be left alone without any explanation, this expert relationship advice will help you see how ghosting can be a positive thing for your dating life.

Reference the expert relationship advice below when you’re feeling the dating blues!

Last night, a client told me how a man she had planned a date with seemingly fell off the face of the earth, except for one thing: the haunting green light on his Match account was lit up. He was online. His photos and approach were so entirely normal that I could not deem this man a scammer, a player, or anything in between. Frankly, it made the situation worse. It’s easier when you can say, “This looks like a fake account” or “You dodged a bullet.”

Related Link: Expert Relationship Advice: When to Sleep Over

My client was trying to move on and was doing great until that same man sent a message saying, “I have not heard back from you in response to my last few messages.” The fishy thing was that my client had been writing to him and had not heard back. She explained that in her next message. Was it a glitch with Match? Could it be some sort of deranged, crossed e-mail lines? She wrote him several times, reassuring him that she had written back. Flatline.

Did this man make the most lame excuse on the planet to dodge the date he had previously seemed so excited to attend? We may never know. As my client told her story, I felt knots in the pit of my stomach. Dating can be extremely discouraging already. This behavior, while unlikely a technical glitch, was completely outside of the realm of integrity that would line up with my client. She is a person who dedicates her life selflessly to others and deserves the utmost quality in her future mate.

When I finished scratching my head, I realized this truth: Some people are completely inept in telling you that they are not interested. One reason may simply be because they don’t care. The other reason is that they actually care but cannot bring themselves to express the words.

Related Link: Expert Dating Advice: How to Handle Heartbreak

I want you to know that, if you’re doing a good job putting yourself out there, you will come across some low-grade individuals — people who have little or no aptitude for dating whatsoever. It’s going to be par for the course. While your dating life may not be the latest celebrity news, it’s still a tumultuous and painful journey.

What might be less obvious to you is that it’s a sign you’re on the right track. You’re on the right track because you are taking the risks to get out there and to take the good with the bad. If you’re doing that, you’re already winning.

The path toward finding The One can be bumpy. It’s those who are willing to face the bumps and persevere who will find their love. Keep going. Rejection is simply redirection. It’s the universe’s way of sending you one step closer toward your right person. Trust my love advice — it will help you avoid any more unnecessary heartbreak.

You were ghosted? Congratulations. NEXT!

For more information about dating expert Megan Weks, visit her website at www.meganweks.com. For more expert relationship advice articles from Megan, click here

Expert Dating Advice: How to Handle Heartbreak

By Megan Weks

Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s point of view on negative commentary regarding his experience on The Bachelor holds a life lesson we may all be able to benefit from, especially related to finding The One. With regard to facing a backlash from viewers, the reality TV star tells E! News, “It’s all about the ending, and finding that person for yourself. That’s the important part.” The takeaway, then, is that, even though he had to endure hardship, he knew it was all part of the journey to finding his soulmate. This thought process can offer us an intelligent and healthy way to approach heartbreak.

Dating Advice for Dealing with a Broken Heart


Related Link: Checklist for Dating from Different Decades: Get Love Advice from ‘The Bachelor’

It seems as though Luyendyk will be seriously breaking some hearts this season, especially since he destroyed the “I love you” rule by saying that powerful phrase to two women. Still, the expert dating advice here is that you must take a risk to get the big reward in life.

In Luyendyk’s case, he risked facing all sorts of negative commentary by living the public lifestyle that is on reality TV. Going on The Bachelor was, for him, the ultimate matchmaking experience. He had twenty-nine handpicked women there, all pre-screened to match his criteria. It’s a big risk, but if we look at the results, there are a lot of successful love stories created through this process. Choosing the right woman certainly was a tough choice for him, though…

The women were less fortunate, as only one out of those twenty-nine would end up not feeling disappointed. A couple of them would be severely heartbroken. And one of them might feel badly embarrassed (spoiler alert!). When we face these devastating moments in our lives, how can we handle them? What can we do to keep our sanity?

The key is to look at heartbreak as a beginning and not an ending. The more we fight the flow of life, the more pain we will endure. Look for the opportunity in everything. If you were not someone’s choice, there is a better choice out there for you.

A couple of months ago, a woman approached me for help with news of a devastating break-up. Upon working together, she decided that it could be an opportunity for her to go out and get everything she had been dreaming of in a relationship. She wasted no time in her decision to adopt the Manfunnel Method of dating: She quickly put herself back out there and reported back in exactly one month’s time that she had met an incredible man. They are now planning their summer trip together with her family. She knew what she wanted and took the action to make it happen.

Related Link: Expert Dating Advice: How I Used a Manfunnel to Meet My Dream Husband

If you’re not looking to date right away, that’s okay too. What can you do to take even better care of yourself? Perhaps you commit to your yoga mat, get into that infrared sauna, and spend extra time in the steam room. Fill your body with the highest-quality foods. Take time to sort through what might have gone wrong on your end. If you sit still, reflect, and grow from your experiences, you will eventually attract higher-quality people into your world because of your heightened level of awareness.

Your break-up is an opportunity. It happened for a reason. Soon, you will find out the reason. You may end up being delighted and thankful. So for now, just allow everything to unfold as it is meant to.

For more information about dating expert Megan Weks, visit her website at www.meganweks.com. For more relationship advice articles from Megan, click here

Checklist for Dating from Different Decades: Get Love Advice from ‘The Bachelor’ Star Arie Luyendyk, Jr.

Cupid's Pulse Article: Checklist for Dating from Different Decades: Get Love Advice from ‘The Bachelor’ Star Arie Luyendyk, Jr.

Arie Luyendyk Jr. Photo: Instagram/@ariejr.

By Megan Weks

There is a bit of a buzz going on about the age gap between some of the contestants and the leading man on season 22 of The Bachelor. Is it really a big deal? After all, significant age differences are often common in celebrity relationships. A notable one is Mary-Kate Olsen and French businessman Olivier Sarkozy, who is seventeen years older than the fashion designer. Celebrity couple Hugh Jackman and Deborra-lee Furness also seem to be handling the test of time: She is thirteen years his senior, and they have been married for nearly two decades.

Love Advice from Bachelor Star Arie Luyendyk Jr.

What should we look out for if we are dating someone from a different decade? Since Arie Luyendyk Jr. seems well-prepared to qualify the candidates on The Bachelor, we might be able to get some great love advice from his experiences. He has self-proclaimed “baby fever” and is therefore seeking a match who is ready to tie the knot and start a family.

Related Link: Celebrity News: ‘Bachelor’ Star Arie Luyendyk Jr. Justifies First Impression Rose Pick

A good relationship starts with good intentions — which means, if both people know what they want out of life and have similar values, there is a much better chance for success, regardless of a difference in age. Luyendyk knows what he wants, which will make it easier for him to see if the intentions of the women he meets match his own. When people do not have clarity on what they want out of life, they can easily veer away from one another on the path to self-discovery.

Regarding his decision-making process with regard to age, according to The Hollywood Reporter, Luyendyk said, “I only really addressed that if I felt it was an issue — if there was some immaturity or if I questioned whether they were really ready for marriage. It’s more about readiness and about being able to take that next step.”

Realize that, if you choose a mate from a different decade, there will be things you don’t have in common. My husband, who is ten years older than me, has different musical interests and grew up knowing different movies and shows. However, since I had an older sibling and am a person who likes all the arts, we find similarities among our tastes. This difference could become frustrating, however, for those who cannot connect through the arts because inevitably, you’ll be spending time listening to music and watching movies and shows together. Therefore, it’s ideal to be able to find some common ground in media that you can enjoy together.

Related Link: Expert Love Advice: How I Used a Manfunnel to Meet My Dream Husband

Another thing to look out for: Either you or your partner will be aging at what seems like a faster rate. Your partner may be reaching the next stage of life — middle age or elderly — before you. This difference might start to be more noticeable for you if you’re the younger half. You’ll want to be sure you have enough of a soul connection that this situation won’t matter to you.

Overall, if your goals, values, and soul connection are intact, then age truly is just a number.

For more information about dating expert Megan Weks, visit her website at www.meganweks.com. For more relationship advice articles from Megan, click here

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Expert Relationship Advice: When to Sleep Over

Cupid's Pulse Article: Expert Relationship Advice: When to Sleep Over

Happy relationship. Photo: Subbotina Anna / Bigstock.com

By Megan Weks

When to sleep with someone is a personal decision; it must be considered for each specific situation. However, before you decide, influenced by him as the external factor, an internal overview is always the first consideration.

Consider the expert relationship advice below:

Many great loves that have begun with an immediate naked, giddy romp have turned into serious relationships and lasting love stories. You may even know a couple who started off this way. Even so, I’m going to offer some expert relationship advice for you to think about before making the fateful decision to jump into the sack.

Being single can be tiresome. Our bodies ache and yearn for closeness. The discomfort of pulling yourself together after work to be date-ready, skipping workouts, and spending money on clothes and cabs, only to have to face an unknown person who decides whether you’re a yes or a no, can be a process of grueling anxiety.

Related Link: Dating Advice: When Should I Sleep with a Guy?

It’s easier to slip into your comfy stretch pants and dive onto your warm, cozy couch for some yummy snuggles with the hot-blooded male specimen standing before you. You crave to feel a warm touch or a tickle on your back and perhaps gentle cheek kisses. Ahhh. The delicious comfort of a relationship! The urgency to advance quickly into this stage has many of us skipping the necessary qualifying steps that, ideally, come before committing to an exclusive relationship.

There are two ways to approach the intimacy process in a new relationship. The first is to dive right in, learn about the guy’s intentions and goals, and hope that the relationship falls into place (keeping in mind that his words don’t necessarily determine his intentions — only time and consistency will reveal his true intentions). If you take this approach, you’ll be making relationship decisions after the physical bond has been formed. Even if this man is not right for you on multiple other planes, you’ll have to determine that while feeling physically attached to him! Therefore, your body will be yearning for closeness with him, while you’re still trying to figure out if he wants what you want, has similar values, and so on.

After having sex, it’s proven that your brain makes cloudy (hormone-influenced) decisions about the person to whom you are attached. This is how we end up in time-consuming “mini-relationships,” often followed by painful “mini-break-ups.”

Do you have relationships that begin hot and heavy and then start to taper off and fade away? Do you have a hard time getting serious interest from men? Have you not had a serious relationship in longer than you would care to admit? If so, I want to stress this second approach to the intimacy process: Take your time to get to know a guy over two to three months before the sleepover. The process where you learn about one another slowly, without exclusivity and without sex, is what I call The Exploratory Phase of the relationship. If you include this phase in your dating process, you will decrease your number of sexual partners and increase the likelihood that your relationship will stand the test of time.

Even naturals at love can still fall prey and find themselves mired in many time-consuming :miniature-serious” relationships. You see, when you dive in head first, you put yourself in a position I call Lay and Pray. This is when the physical part of the relationship occurs before the actual relationship. A woman who gets caught up in Lay and Pray is telling herself that she can handle it and that she’s going to remain cool while things fall into place. Sound familiar? However, in this place of uncertainty, she’s feeling uneasy, seeking for answers or clues to help her define what’s happening with the relationship.

Related Link: Expert Relationship Advice: How I Used a Manfunnel to Meet My Dream Husband

Even if what she is experiencing with him is not ideal, she’s not exploring other options because she feels attached and is not interested in seeking out other possibilities. Women whom I define as naturals at love might still have a decent ROI (return on investment) with this method of dating because the naturals usually have a better feeling about the men who are coming into their lives. This means that, since they are making overall healthier choices when it comes to men, they will have a higher ROI in their dating process. Even though a woman may be able to jump into bed and have a chance of that turning into a solid relationship, she still needs to consider her goals, her health, and the time investment she is willing to put into having multiple “mini-serious” relationships.

Keep in mind that if he’s the right man for you, you’ll likely have the rest of your life to enjoy him, both in bed and on the couch. Either way, happy humping!

For more information about dating expert Megan Weks, visit her website at www.meganweks.com. For more expert relationship advice articles from Megan, click here

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Expert Relationship Advice: How I Used a Manfunnel to Meet My Dream Husband

By Megan Weks

Once upon a time, a lonely woman centered her heart and her hopes on a certain man, whom she put on a pedestal. She wondered what he saw in her and why a man of his caliber would be interested in what she had to offer. Long after he let her go, she would obsess and compare other men to him, feel sorry for herself, and wonder why a relationship hadn’t yet worked out for her when they had for so many other women. When would it be her turn?

Dating Expert Megan Weks Shares Relationship Advice to Help You Find The One

This heartbreaking story was my ongoing pattern. I had gone through so many let-downs while dating in Manhattan for over a decade. Of course, I had some monumental takeaways. Oftentimes, though, I was already “in” the relationship whole-heartedly by the time I figured out it was not the real deal. This left me with painful and long recovery times when I had to grieve and slowly get back on my feet before being ready to face the dating world again. I finally realized that it was not intelligent of me to give my all to these men before I knew their motives. I learned that their true intentions showed up in the first three or four months of dating.

Related Link: Expert Relationship Advice: Don’t Let Him Be the One Who Got Away

The Manfunnel was born out of simple math and complex self-love. It was built from the same equation that helped me find love quickly and learn how to capture the hearts of much higher-quality men than I had been accustomed to. A Manfunnel is simply a group of men who are looking to pursue you for a relationship; it’s a tool used in what I call “The Abundance Model of Dating.” It means that you hold off from becoming exclusive until you find a man who truly meets your needs on every level and on your timeline.

To follow this expert relationship advice, remember that a man is not going to date you exclusively if you aren’t meeting his needs. Similarly, you should not allow yourself to be pigeon-holed into a relationship that does not serve your needs. You’re going to have to be really honest with yourself about what you truly want. Additionally, you will have to drop all of the excuses as to why he is not meeting your needs. Ask yourself if you are truly happy. Keep a daily log of how you are feeling and reflect on the relationship. If your relationship is anxiety-ridden, ask yourself why you are accepting this situation.

After you’ve determined that your needs are not being met and that you are ready to have it all and quickly, you are ready to build your Manfunnel. What this means is that, even though you have found someone who excites you, you will continue to keep your options open until you know for sure he is The One. A good rule of thumb is to wait for three months before you delete your other options. During that time, you are learning about men and about what will truly make you happy in a relationship. I call this waiting time “The Exploratory Phase.” This can feel as if you’re taking things extremely slowly; however, it actually saves you years of time.

Having a Manfunnel helps you from becoming overinvested too soon. When we believe there is a lack of options, we may start to slip into a place of scarcity. It’s cyclical: When we start to believe this idea, men read our energy and also begin to believe that you don’t have options. Biologically, this sends a message to men that you are not a high-value mate or a great catch…even if you are!

Related Link: Dating Advice: Should I Drop All The Other People I’m Interested In?

How Megan Weks Used Her Own Expert Relationship Advice

My Manfunnel helped me realize my value in the dating marketplace. I started gaining momentum, and the confidence to date the kind of men I’ve always dreamed of — and, even better, to have these men want to make a commitment with me! When the man who would be my husband showed up, I came across as poised and feminine. You see, I had allowed myself to be filled up by the energies flowing toward me in the dating process, and this energy projected my warm and positive outlook on love. And so, I was able to make a choice with a clear head and an open heart. I set my boundaries on taking things slowly, and he enjoyed every minute of it. When he proposed before our six-month dating anniversary, I knew I had found the right man.

If you are looking to streamline the dating process and avoid having an unnecessary, painful broken heart, it’s time to learn how to Master Your Manfunnel. Doing this can open up a whole new world to you.

For more information about dating expert Megan Weks, visit her website at www.meganweks.com. For more relationship advice articles from Megan, click here

Relationship Advice: Keep Your Man By Becoming a Multi-Faceted Woman

Cupid's Pulse Article: Relationship Advice: Keep Your Man By Becoming a Multi-Faceted Woman

Couple holding hands in a restaurant. Photo: .shock / Bigstock.com

By Megan weks

We can all risk becoming complacent at points in our lives. Therefore, my final tip to share on keeping the man you desire is to become and to remain a multi-faceted woman. This is a woman who is interesting, well-rounded, and has a life beyond the man or children. A big complaint I hear from men in my practice is that women lose their curiosity and sense of adventure about life and become creatures of habit who are addicted to comfort. I want you to know that you can’t assume your man will remain attracted to you if you sink into this situation.

One of my biggest pieces of relationship advice: You must work to keep things fiery and fun!

Do you have multiple interests and passions? If the answer is no, you risk losing your luster over time. In order for your man to remain interested in you for the long term, you need to remain interesting. He needs to know that there is always something he doesn’t know about you yet. If there aren’t hidden tidbits of information to uncover about you, you’ve still got a chance to create some mystery about you to keep him interested. Here are some tips to become, and remain, that multifaceted woman who will fascinate him for life:

1. Learning. There are so many incredible things to learn about in this life and not enough time t! If you don’t have a passion, that’s okay. Be on the lookout for anything you feel even a tiny bit curious about because it can snowball into a brand-new interest or hobby. Put yourself in the right situation to learn about it by reading a book or going to a class or event about it. If you find that you never stick with anything or become bored, you need to know that to become great at something, you must be able to work at it, even without passion.

2. Don’t lose yourself in your relationship or your children. Schedule time for yourself to fuel your personal growth as an individual. This will strengthen your relationship with your partner and will inspire your children to become more well-rounded,. My friend Shelley just took her eight-week old baby to Italy last week. She strapped him in the Babybjorn and took a hike to a vineyard with her husband. She came to the city last night with her baby in tow for a grownup dinner, and told us all about her trip. She’s living her life and remaining curious and adventurous! I’m telling this story to spark your inspiration. Tammin Sursok from Pretty Little Liars says, “splice up your day in sections. Do a little adult, a little kid.” (source: bravotv.com)

3. Be daring. Jack Canfield said that your greatest triumph is on the other side of your greatest fears. What they mean by that is that life starts outside of your comfort zone. Become aware of the fears that keep you stuck, and consciously push yourself forward to the other side of your fears. When you do this, you’ll surprise yourself with your potential and ability for growth, . which will not go unnoticed by your admiring partner!

Take out your pen and paper and create a list of interesting things you will incorporate into your world in the next few months. Looking back, you’ll be surprised and proud of what you’ve accomplished by following through on your list. Your man will be thrilled to sit down with you at dinner to hear what’s new in your ever-changing, ever-expanding world.

Megan Weks is an international dating and relationship expert who specializes in helping women get the admiration they deserve from men, and to keep it. She is a certified specialist in her field, but one of her biggest credentials is her personal story. Living in New York City for over a decade, Megan has had the opportunity to meet and date many different men. Through working with a relationship guru, she literally changed from crumb-picking and obsessing over men who didn’t deserve her, to being called a “man whisperer” who men (including her now-husband) would never leave. Megan’s career is devoted to helping women who struggle with the men in their lives, to turn it all around and keep the men they desire. Aside from her coaching practice of saving hearts, She writes a monthly love column for LVBX Magazine and runs a private online woman’s discussion group where women are supported with these principles.

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