Dating Advice: Secrets to Letting Go of the Outcome of a Relationship

By Rachel Sparks

In this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to spiritpreneur Abiola Abrams about letting go of expectations and staying present while dating. Don’t miss this great relationship advice; watch the video above!

The Dating Advice You Need to Stop Worrying About Outcomes and Enjoy Dating

1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is a “mind, body, and spirit principle [about] being radically present,” Abrams says. Our society is structured around distractions. Our phones chime and we drop everything to answer an email or respond to a text. Because our attention span isn’t a muscle we train often, our dates are effected. “We’re thinking on our first date what our kids would like or what their last name sounds like,” Abram says with a laugh. To stop “futurizing,” focus on what to be grateful for in that person. This exercise in gratitude will bring you to the present moment, help you calm first-date jitters, and enjoy the other person more.

Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in Love

2. Bring a little gift: Women are used to being impressed while men are used to being the ones impressing. Abrams advices, “We always assume that masculine energy doesn’t appreciate gifts, but they eat it up.” Bring something small, like a rock or twig from an area they’ve mentioned or their favorite candy bar. “You don’t have to spend money,” Oshima says, “In this case, it really is the thought that counts.” Small gifts, especially early in a relationship, show that you pay attention. It forces you to be present in a conversation and think about what someone would want or need.

Related Link: Single of Stilettos: Dating Advice About Mindfulness

3. Be vulnerable: A large percentage of relationship advice emphasizes the importance of vulnerability. People appreciate it, yet we’re all too scared to do it. You don’t always have to reveal your secrets to be vulnerable; instead, share a personal story. Share a memory you rarely do, a tale you hadn’t thought about in awhile, an anecdote that will reveal a trait about yourself that you want the other person to know. “When you shield yourself like you’re Wonder Woman, you prevent yourself from being seen and felt.” When you open up to someone, it grounds you in the present, and the other person feels valued for connecting with you on a more intimate level.

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos show, click here.

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Dating Advice: How to Be More Desirable

By Rachel Sparks

In this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to sensuality coach Patty Contenta about how to be more desirable! Watch the video above and read the article below for some feel-good tips to improve your dating life!

Dating Advice to Help You Feel and Look More Desirable!

1. Own your desire: “For women, there is shame attached to owning your desire,” Contenta says. “Be okay with owning and showing it.” When you become more aware and attached to your desires and sensuality, a creative fire ignites in you. You become more engaged with the present world around you. This helps you enjoy life more, but it also makes you much more attractive to others. The first part of being desirable is connecting with that desire in yourself.

Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Flirt With a Little Touch

2. Express sensuality: Once you own your desire, what are the different ways to express it? Contenta says there are two: the ability to elevate your senses at any moment and to manage your sexual energies. “Pleasure,” Contenta says, “is in the moment that you’re in and engaging the senses fully.” If you want to become more aware of each moment, engage as many senses as possible. This is true for any partner as well. It’s a huge turn-on to use all five senses.

Related Link: Single in Stilettos Show: How to Flirt with a Man

3. Transition into feminine energy: There are two primary sexual energies: masculine and feminine. Masculinity often empowers forward movement, motivation, and power. Femininity, on the other hand, embodies emotions and reciprocity. “In our results-driven society,” Contenta says, “We all engage in masculine energy. But to become more desirable, transition into feminine energy using non-verbal, physical cues.” Think about your body and how much space it takes up. Men stand wider, and when women want to emit power they use body language that takes up more space. Feminine energy, which is softer, connects the inner thighs. When you walk, squeeze your inner thighs together to encourage more curves and a sultry stance. When you move to point to something, caress yourself instead of just pointing. Show that you love yourself and desire will follow, both from you and observers.

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.

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Relationship Advice: How to Attract a Strong Man Who Takes the Lead


By Rachel Sparks

The relationship advice from this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video will help you attract the kind of man who will take the lead. Relationship expert Suzanne Oshima interviews Bex Burton for the best dating advice to bring a strong man into your life. Watch the video above to learn more!

Relationship Advice to Help You Attract a Strong Man!

1. Be an authentic woman: Burton says if a woman is “true to herself, connected with her own heart, her intuition, and whatever her divine belief is,” then she’s authentic. It’s important to know who you are and stick with that. If your actions match your words and your behaviors match your beliefs, then you know who you are to the core. Strong men love women who are confident in themselves, and confidence starts with an intense personal knowledge. Suzanne adds, “Show up how you are in the beginning.” If you worry that your confidence intimidates men, then you might consider steering clear from men who don’t embrace that characteristic or who are not strong enough to handle this type of woman. This will keep you open for others who come into your life and appreciate what you have to offer.

Related Link: Relationship Advice: Why You Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Men

2. Be present: Knowing what you want and what you won’t settle for allows you to navigate relationships with clarity. Men appreciate a decisive woman; it avoids petty arguments. It also allows men who like to take charge to have the opportunity to do so because they know, thanks to you, what they need to do to make you happy. Burton says, “Identifying what you need is a journey and a skill to develop.” Knowing what you need from the beginning helps you weed out people who won’t make you happy.

Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in Love

3. Be connected: Similar to knowing what you need and knowing who you are, you need to be aware and connected with your emotions. Not only does this create an emotionally stable environment, but being aware of negative emotions before they escalate will diffuse arguments with your partner before they begin. Don’t just focus on yourself, though. Women are naturally more attuned to emotions and when you focus on the ability to connect outwardly, you can intuitively recognize your partner’s emotional state. Burton says, “It helps men connect with their emotions, making you valuable in their lives [because] you help him feel so much more deeply.”

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here

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Expert Relationship Advice: 4 Ways Picking Up a Book Can Improve Your Health

By Amy Osmond Cook, Ph.D.

Oprah Winfrey does it. So does Reese Witherspoon, Bill Gates, Barack Obama, and Emma Watson. Not only are they world leaders and superstars, but they are also super readers.

Nearly 25 percent of Americans have not read a book in the last year, and adults over age 50 were more likely than their younger counterparts to let their books collect dust. While you may think you don’t have the time to read a good book, you might want make reading a higher priority in your life.

Reading isn’t just a fun way to pass the time. It can also improve your health. Read on to learn four ways reading can improve your physical and mental health.

It will help reduce stress

Reading might sound like something you just don’t have time for if you live a busy, stressful life. But it could be the key to helping you relax at the end of a stressful day. According to research conducted by the University of Sussex, reading a book is one of the best ways to reduce stress. Their study showed that reading can reduce stress by 68 percent, and it will do the job faster than other tried and true methods like taking a walk or listening to your favorite music. So, pick up a good book and let your stress melt away.

You’ll sleep better

Reading can help you get a better night’s sleep, if you do it right. A good way to get more sleep is to create a nighttime sleep routine and include relaxing activities in it. Reading has been shown to reduce stress and help you relax, so it is a prime candidate for your bedtime routine. Staring at a screen is counterproductive, however, so stick to a book with real pages, rather than clicking through your favorite book on your phone or tablet.

It may help prevent dementia

Keeping your brain active at every age can help fight off symptoms of dementia and Alzheimer’s. Researchers have found that people who challenge their brains when they are young and old have a slower rate of mental decline. Keeping your brain active can help preserve memory and thinking skills into old age. It is beneficial to work your brain from childhood on, but it isn’t too late to start a reading hobby if you haven’t tried it yet. Studies indicate people can benefit from giving their brain a workout even if they begin later in life.

It can help you feel empathy

If you have a hard time relating to other people, getting hooked on a good book can help you with that. A recent study conducted by The New School for Social Research showed that people who became deeply involved in a fictional book and its characters were able to better understand their own feelings and beliefs as well as those of the characters. “If anyone has a desire to help others succeed in a non-threatening manner, this is a must read,” said Rose Rios, director of marketing at Legend Oaks Healthcare and Rehab of Northwest Houston. Reading literary fiction improved the ability to feel empathy for others.

Reading a book can make a difference to your health in ways that might surprise you. So instead of turning on the television at the end of the day, pick up a good book.

For more information about and articles by our relationship expert Dr. Amy Osmond Cook, click here.

Relationship Advice: Why You Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Men

By Rachel Sparks

The relationship advice in this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video will help you understand why you keep attracting the same type of guy and how you have the power to change that! Watch the video above, featuring founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima and Sandra Fidelis.

Relationship Advice to Help You Stop Attracting Mr. Wrong and Start Attracting Mr. Right

1. Discover your core beliefs: “There are certain things that you pick up throughout life that shape your reality,” Fidelis says in her relationship advice. “When it comes to love, whatever you believe is possible for yourself is what you will attract.” If you are continuously facing abuse in relationships, you may internalize those failures as your own and begin to believe that you do not deserve more out of love. Evaluate past relationships; it’s never just one person’s fault when a relationship fails. If you find that you are in a cycle of dating the same guy in different skin, that’s a sign that there is something in your beliefs that needs healing.

Related Link: Single in Stilettos Show: He’s Great, But…

2. Change your story: Once you discover your core beliefs, you have the power to change them. “What you believe is what you create,” Fidelis says. If you discover that you don’t believe in love or that you don’t deserve it, challenge those beliefs so that you can change the dating cycle you’ve created. Fidelis advises, “When searching, focus on the energy of the relationship you want to create together.” Avoid superficial traits that you may think you want. Height or aesthetic preferences lose significance to the energy of a healthy relationship. Oshima adds, “You limit yourself when you focus on superficial wants.” What is more important: how tall a man is or how he makes you feel?

Related Link: Single in Stilettos Show: Do You Push for Commitment Too Soon?

3. Break your routine: After you’ve discovered your core beliefs and chosen the story of your future, you need to take these discoveries out into the world. Going to the same places that you always have will only keep you around the same types of people. “You need to put yourself in front of the type of guys you want to attract,” Fidelis states. Oshima offers her own advice, “Sometimes what we think is our type really isn’t if every relationship keeps ending.” Open your mind to other people. Ridding yourself of negative beliefs will allow you to be more attracted to different types of people. Have fun with it!

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos show, click here.

For more videos from, check out our YouTube channel.  

Dating Advice: How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in Love

By Rachel Sparks

In this week’s dating advice video, Single in Stilettos founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks with spiritpreneur Abiola Abrams about how to stop self-sabotaging your love life. Don’t miss this great relationship advice; watch the video above!

The Dating Advice You Need to Stop Sabotaging Your Love Life

1. Become aware of yourself: Abrams challenges viewers with the question, “Why do you always attract a certain kind of person?” The law of attraction states that you bring into your life what you emit. If you send out signals of failure, whether you subconsciously expect it or not, you welcome failure into your love life. A lot of times, you’re unaware of the ways in which you sabotage yourself, but recognizing that you do so can help break a cycle of bad dates and dead-end relationships. Oshima adds, “The common denominator in all of these failed relationships is you.” It’s time to look in the mirror and face reality about yourself.

Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Be Sexy on Date Night

2. Start journaling: Journaling is a great tool to becoming more self-aware. You can find and explore the ways in which you fail and how you may begin to attract the relationships you do want. In her dating advice video, Abrams encourages viewers to “journal who you think you deserve to be with, not your dream person.” When you evaluate not who you wish to have but instead who your current actions attract, you realize who you deserve. “It’s a heartbreaking exercise,” Abrams adds, “because a lot of women realize they believe they don’t deserve love.” If you feel this way, start there and ask yourself why you feel that way. Begin to challenge yourself so that you will believe you deserve kind and compassionate love.

Related Link: Single in Stilettos Show: Dating Advice About Mindfulness

3. Pay attention to patterns: Journaling can help you discover patterns. Abrams suggests journaling about the times discord arises in your relationships. What environment surrounds the argument? When your relationship is running smoothly, do you bring up old triggers? “We have a victim consciousness,” Abrams says of women. “We get together with our girlfriends and talk trash about our men, and that cultivates conflicts.” Only you know how your relationship is. If you’re constantly looking for conflict, you’ll find it. When you see those patterns, you can stop destroying something that has the potential to be truly satisfying and fulfilling. Abrams offers her final bit of advice, “Self-awareness brings you to self-acceptance.” In other words: true love starts with self-love.

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos show, click here.

For more videos from Cupid’s Pulse, check out our YouTube channel.  

Relationship Advice: How to Overcome the Fear of Abandonment


By Rachel Sparks

On this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to love and dating coach Jaki Sabourin about how to overcome the fear of abandonment. Watch the video above for their best relationship advice!

Relationship Advice to Help You Overcome Fears of Abandonment!

1. Are you abandoning yourself? Sabourin believes that we all have a fear of abandonment that traces back to our childhood. It’s normal, she assures viewers. “We continue to perpetuate that fear into adulthood by abandoning ourselves.” Though you’ve heard the advice before, it’s worth repeating: you have to be your own best friend. “Nurture that part of yourself that feels alone,” Sabourin says, “It’s self-parenting. You’ll feel whole again.”

Related Link: Dating Advice Video: Stop Attracting Emotionally Unavailable Men

2. Stop taking things personally: Things go wrong when dating. We often second-guess why the guy wouldn’t call us back or why it’s taking so long to get a response. “You’re only responsible for half of the equation,” Sabourin reminds viewers. “Don’t blame yourself.” Self-blame stems from an attachment to a desired outcome. When you expect certain results from your dates, you take responsibility for things outside of your control. The best way to end this cycle is by just enjoying dates and releasing expectations. Without expectations, you’re less likely to blame yourself for when things go wrong.

Related Link: Dating Advice: Manifesting the Right Man?

3. Take responsibility for your emotions: Ultimately, fears will be present, but how you handle them will effect outcomes. If you worry about abandonment before it’s happened, Oshima warns that you can sabotage a relationship. Sabourin advises that by taking ownership of your emotions, you can learn healthy ways of processing failures and fears and work towards your dream relationship. Sabourin warns, “Ignoring emotions creates a beach-ball affect: you can push the ball underwater, but at some point it will come back up with force.” Start by accepting what you are feeling, allow yourself to feel it, and then release those emotions. You’ll heal faster.

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.

For more videos from, check out our YouTube channel.