In this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to spiritpreneur Abiola Abrams about letting go of expectations and staying present while dating. Don’t miss this great relationship advice; watch the video above!
The Dating Advice You Need to Stop Worrying About Outcomes and Enjoy Dating
1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is a “mind, body, and spirit principle [about] being radically present,” Abrams says. Our society is structured around distractions. Our phones chime and we drop everything to answer an email or respond to a text. Because our attention span isn’t a muscle we train often, our dates are effected. “We’re thinking on our first date what our kids would like or what their last name sounds like,” Abram says with a laugh. To stop “futurizing,” focus on what to be grateful for in that person. This exercise in gratitude will bring you to the present moment, help you calm first-date jitters, and enjoy the other person more.
Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in Love
2. Bring a little gift: Women are used to being impressed while men are used to being the ones impressing. Abrams advices, “We always assume that masculine energy doesn’t appreciate gifts, but they eat it up.” Bring something small, like a rock or twig from an area they’ve mentioned or their favorite candy bar. “You don’t have to spend money,” Oshima says, “In this case, it really is the thought that counts.” Small gifts, especially early in a relationship, show that you pay attention. It forces you to be present in a conversation and think about what someone would want or need.
Related Link: Single of Stilettos: Dating Advice About Mindfulness
3. Be vulnerable: A large percentage of relationship advice emphasizes the importance of vulnerability. People appreciate it, yet we’re all too scared to do it. You don’t always have to reveal your secrets to be vulnerable; instead, share a personal story. Share a memory you rarely do, a tale you hadn’t thought about in awhile, an anecdote that will reveal a trait about yourself that you want the other person to know. “When you shield yourself like you’re Wonder Woman, you prevent yourself from being seen and felt.” When you open up to someone, it grounds you in the present, and the other person feels valued for connecting with you on a more intimate level.
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