Dating Advice: Secrets to Letting Go of the Outcome of a Relationship

By Rachel Sparks

In this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video, founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks to spiritpreneur Abiola Abrams about letting go of expectations and staying present while dating. Don’t miss this great relationship advice; watch the video above!

The Dating Advice You Need to Stop Worrying About Outcomes and Enjoy Dating

1. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is a “mind, body, and spirit principle [about] being radically present,” Abrams says. Our society is structured around distractions. Our phones chime and we drop everything to answer an email or respond to a text. Because our attention span isn’t a muscle we train often, our dates are effected. “We’re thinking on our first date what our kids would like or what their last name sounds like,” Abram says with a laugh. To stop “futurizing,” focus on what to be grateful for in that person. This exercise in gratitude will bring you to the present moment, help you calm first-date jitters, and enjoy the other person more.

Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in Love

2. Bring a little gift: Women are used to being impressed while men are used to being the ones impressing. Abrams advices, “We always assume that masculine energy doesn’t appreciate gifts, but they eat it up.” Bring something small, like a rock or twig from an area they’ve mentioned or their favorite candy bar. “You don’t have to spend money,” Oshima says, “In this case, it really is the thought that counts.” Small gifts, especially early in a relationship, show that you pay attention. It forces you to be present in a conversation and think about what someone would want or need.

Related Link: Single of Stilettos: Dating Advice About Mindfulness

3. Be vulnerable: A large percentage of relationship advice emphasizes the importance of vulnerability. People appreciate it, yet we’re all too scared to do it. You don’t always have to reveal your secrets to be vulnerable; instead, share a personal story. Share a memory you rarely do, a tale you hadn’t thought about in awhile, an anecdote that will reveal a trait about yourself that you want the other person to know. “When you shield yourself like you’re Wonder Woman, you prevent yourself from being seen and felt.” When you open up to someone, it grounds you in the present, and the other person feels valued for connecting with you on a more intimate level.

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos show, click here.

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Dating & Technology Q&A: Should You Delete Pictures of a Long-Term BF?

Question from Mara S.: My ex and I broke up after having a long-term relationship. Should I take pictures of us down from social media now that I’m seeing someone new or should the new guy in my life understand that my ex and I had a long history together?

Technology makes it so easy to share with the world the things that matter to you. It’s normal to post memories that you want to hold onto, but beware of what message your social media is sending. When you are interested in someone, you devour everything online about them in hopes of learning something new. That’s true for someone interested in you. What do you want someone to learn about you from your photos online? Read below for dating advice from relationship experts!

Technology Dating Advice that Helps You Know When to Delete Pics of Your Ex

Suzanne K. Oshima, Matchmaker: While you and your ex had a long history together, it’s time to take the pictures down and move on with your new guy. There’s a great quote by T.D. Jakes that best sums it up, “You can’t drive forward looking in the rearview mirror.”

Robert Manni, Guy’s Guy: My answer is a resounding yes. When it’s time to move forward, take down all photos from social media of you with your ex. If you want a new beginning, especially with someone new, you need to send him the right signals about your availability. The past has merit. We live, we love, and we learn, but there must be a reason your former boyfriend is now your ex. If you’re having a hard time deleting photos of him off social media, perhaps you are not quite ready to move on. If you truly want a new beginning, then start fresh on social media and give your new suitors the opportunity to see who you are right now. If things work out, they could be the luck one in your pictures. Good luck!

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Relationship Advice: How to Attract a Strong Man Who Takes the Lead


By Rachel Sparks

The relationship advice from this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video will help you attract the kind of man who will take the lead. Relationship expert Suzanne Oshima interviews Bex Burton for the best dating advice to bring a strong man into your life. Watch the video above to learn more!

Relationship Advice to Help You Attract a Strong Man!

1. Be an authentic woman: Burton says if a woman is “true to herself, connected with her own heart, her intuition, and whatever her divine belief is,” then she’s authentic. It’s important to know who you are and stick with that. If your actions match your words and your behaviors match your beliefs, then you know who you are to the core. Strong men love women who are confident in themselves, and confidence starts with an intense personal knowledge. Suzanne adds, “Show up how you are in the beginning.” If you worry that your confidence intimidates men, then you might consider steering clear from men who don’t embrace that characteristic or who are not strong enough to handle this type of woman. This will keep you open for others who come into your life and appreciate what you have to offer.

Related Link: Relationship Advice: Why You Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Men

2. Be present: Knowing what you want and what you won’t settle for allows you to navigate relationships with clarity. Men appreciate a decisive woman; it avoids petty arguments. It also allows men who like to take charge to have the opportunity to do so because they know, thanks to you, what they need to do to make you happy. Burton says, “Identifying what you need is a journey and a skill to develop.” Knowing what you need from the beginning helps you weed out people who won’t make you happy.

Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in Love

3. Be connected: Similar to knowing what you need and knowing who you are, you need to be aware and connected with your emotions. Not only does this create an emotionally stable environment, but being aware of negative emotions before they escalate will diffuse arguments with your partner before they begin. Don’t just focus on yourself, though. Women are naturally more attuned to emotions and when you focus on the ability to connect outwardly, you can intuitively recognize your partner’s emotional state. Burton says, “It helps men connect with their emotions, making you valuable in their lives [because] you help him feel so much more deeply.”

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here

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Relationship Advice: Why You Keep Attracting the Same Kind of Men

By Rachel Sparks

The relationship advice in this week’s Single in Stilettos dating advice video will help you understand why you keep attracting the same type of guy and how you have the power to change that! Watch the video above, featuring founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima and Sandra Fidelis.

Relationship Advice to Help You Stop Attracting Mr. Wrong and Start Attracting Mr. Right

1. Discover your core beliefs: “There are certain things that you pick up throughout life that shape your reality,” Fidelis says in her relationship advice. “When it comes to love, whatever you believe is possible for yourself is what you will attract.” If you are continuously facing abuse in relationships, you may internalize those failures as your own and begin to believe that you do not deserve more out of love. Evaluate past relationships; it’s never just one person’s fault when a relationship fails. If you find that you are in a cycle of dating the same guy in different skin, that’s a sign that there is something in your beliefs that needs healing.

Related Link: Single in Stilettos Show: He’s Great, But…

2. Change your story: Once you discover your core beliefs, you have the power to change them. “What you believe is what you create,” Fidelis says. If you discover that you don’t believe in love or that you don’t deserve it, challenge those beliefs so that you can change the dating cycle you’ve created. Fidelis advises, “When searching, focus on the energy of the relationship you want to create together.” Avoid superficial traits that you may think you want. Height or aesthetic preferences lose significance to the energy of a healthy relationship. Oshima adds, “You limit yourself when you focus on superficial wants.” What is more important: how tall a man is or how he makes you feel?

Related Link: Single in Stilettos Show: Do You Push for Commitment Too Soon?

3. Break your routine: After you’ve discovered your core beliefs and chosen the story of your future, you need to take these discoveries out into the world. Going to the same places that you always have will only keep you around the same types of people. “You need to put yourself in front of the type of guys you want to attract,” Fidelis states. Oshima offers her own advice, “Sometimes what we think is our type really isn’t if every relationship keeps ending.” Open your mind to other people. Ridding yourself of negative beliefs will allow you to be more attracted to different types of people. Have fun with it!

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos show, click here.

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Dating Advice: How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in Love

By Rachel Sparks

In this week’s dating advice video, Single in Stilettos founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks with spiritpreneur Abiola Abrams about how to stop self-sabotaging your love life. Don’t miss this great relationship advice; watch the video above!

The Dating Advice You Need to Stop Sabotaging Your Love Life

1. Become aware of yourself: Abrams challenges viewers with the question, “Why do you always attract a certain kind of person?” The law of attraction states that you bring into your life what you emit. If you send out signals of failure, whether you subconsciously expect it or not, you welcome failure into your love life. A lot of times, you’re unaware of the ways in which you sabotage yourself, but recognizing that you do so can help break a cycle of bad dates and dead-end relationships. Oshima adds, “The common denominator in all of these failed relationships is you.” It’s time to look in the mirror and face reality about yourself.

Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Be Sexy on Date Night

2. Start journaling: Journaling is a great tool to becoming more self-aware. You can find and explore the ways in which you fail and how you may begin to attract the relationships you do want. In her dating advice video, Abrams encourages viewers to “journal who you think you deserve to be with, not your dream person.” When you evaluate not who you wish to have but instead who your current actions attract, you realize who you deserve. “It’s a heartbreaking exercise,” Abrams adds, “because a lot of women realize they believe they don’t deserve love.” If you feel this way, start there and ask yourself why you feel that way. Begin to challenge yourself so that you will believe you deserve kind and compassionate love.

Related Link: Single in Stilettos Show: Dating Advice About Mindfulness

3. Pay attention to patterns: Journaling can help you discover patterns. Abrams suggests journaling about the times discord arises in your relationships. What environment surrounds the argument? When your relationship is running smoothly, do you bring up old triggers? “We have a victim consciousness,” Abrams says of women. “We get together with our girlfriends and talk trash about our men, and that cultivates conflicts.” Only you know how your relationship is. If you’re constantly looking for conflict, you’ll find it. When you see those patterns, you can stop destroying something that has the potential to be truly satisfying and fulfilling. Abrams offers her final bit of advice, “Self-awareness brings you to self-acceptance.” In other words: true love starts with self-love.

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos show, click here.

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Dating Advice Video: Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship


By Rachel Sparks

In this week’s dating advice video, Single in Stilettos founder and relationship expert Suzanne Oshima talks with relationship author Tinzley Bradford about three signs of an unhealthy relationship. Don’t miss their expert relationship advice in the video above!

Dating Advice Video for Three Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

1. Physical or verbal abuse: “Being condescending all of the time is an example of verbal abuse, which is a sign of an unhealthy relationship,” Bradford says in this dating advice video. While abuse seems like an obvious sign of an unhealthy relationship, actually deciding to leave is hard. Don’t let the fear of financial and total independence keep you in a bad relationship. Oshima adds, “You might be scared of being alone, but really, you’re already alone in an abusive relationship.”

Related Link: Dating Advice Video: Signs He’s Settling for You

2. He’s not emotionally available: If your partner ignores emotional conversations for video games, you’re in a relationship with someone not emotionally present. “If he cannot hold a decent and healthy conversation about your feelings, then he cannot create a healthy relationship,” Bradford advises. Your feelings and perceptions have value and in a true partnership, your partner should be happy to listen to your feelings. If they are constantly brushed aside, it’s a sign he isn’t invested in your total well-being.

Related Link: Dating Advice Video: The Questions You Should Be Asking Him

3. Constant arguing: Nobody wants to argue all of the time, but sometimes we find ourselves in relationships that are threaded with tension. “Arguing all of the time is not cute and it will slowly kill your spirit,” Bradford says. It’s not welcoming or loving to argue everyday about why someone is late, why they’re wearing what they’re wearing, or why something didn’t get done. Whether you’re throwing insulting jabs at your partner or you’re the one constantly under fire, it’s not a supportive and healthy environment to be in.

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here

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Relationship Advice: How to Overcome Dating Burnout


By Rachel Sparks

This week’s relationship advice will help you overcome dating burnout! Relationship expert and Single in Stilettos founder Suzanne Oshima talks to relationship coach Cyndi Olin about how to persevere in dating when you want to give up. Watch the dating advice video above to learn how you too can make it through a dating dry spell!

Relationship advice to help you through a dating burnout!

1. Monitor your attitude: Olin says, “What we resist persists.” If you approach dating with a negative attitude, dreading the next time you have to haul yourself out of the house to meet someone new, you’re not in a headspace to promote new relationships. Viewing dating through a negative lens puts you in “comparison mode.” Olin says, “If you’re constantly looking critically [at your dates], then the evidence will mount that he’s the bad guy.” Looking at dating with dread will only attract negative people and can destroy opportunities with the potential to make you happy.

Related Link: Dating Advice for Women: How to Break Your Dating Patterns

2. Set aside date nights: “Dating burnout stems from doing too much,” Olins says in her relationship advice. Setting aside certain days for date nights frees up the rest of your schedule to do the things you need and want to do. When someone new asks to set up a date, you don’t have to worry about shifting your schedule around. On the designated date days you don’t have dates, take yourself out on a date instead. Maintaining regular date days will foster a positive mindset towards the times you do have dates.

Related Link: Dating Advice: How to Get Him to Commit to You!

3. Pamper yourself: “Having things to look forward to in life are really important,” Olin says. “A woman who can overcome dating burnout has a life that is full and that she is passionate about.” Begin enjoying the rest of your life again. You’ll forget about your frustrations with dating and will be more likely to get back out there with a positive attitude. What’s more, people are drawn to happy, positive people. As Oshima says, “Don’t give up before the miracle happens.”

For more dating advice videos and additional information about the Single in Stilettos shows, click here.

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