By David Wygant
One of the biggest problems for men today is that they suffer from a made-up disease called Approach Anxiety. I keep waiting to see commercials during football games from a major drug manufacturer. It would start like this: a man staring at a woman who is staring at her phone. The man would be thinking about what to say. The woman would still be standing there, checking her Facebook feed or re-reading a text. You can substitute any of the details for this situation because, wherever women go, they’re staring at their phones. It’s their safety blanket, their virtual crutch. It may be annoying, but it still doesn’t give the men a reason not to go and talk them.
Unfortunately, most men will be in this situation and say, “I really wanted to talk to this woman, but she was too busy on her phone.” Women will always have their phone. It’s the way they protect themselves, which means that men have to learn to conquer their Approach Anxiety.
Relationship Advice on Approaching Women from Relationship Expert David Wygant
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If you suffer from Approach Anxiety, try this new pill. If you are always trying to think of the right thing to say, then you need to take Approach No More. Now, the side effects may be substantial. You may itch. You may have a chronic stomachache. You may have heart palpitations, but at least you’ll be able to go talk to a woman.
Honestly, I find the whole thing super silly. My relationship advice is to remember that you’re just strangers passing each other during the day. It’s so easy to start a conversation based on whatever is going on in the moment. I call it the power of observation.
Observe what a woman is doing and make a comment on it so you are jumping into her world. For instance, if she’s at Starbucks and ordering a drink you’ve never had, say something like, “I’ve never had that here. Is it good? Is it your favorite?”
Men are always looking for opening lines. Opening lines are the biggest con in the world. Speak, talk, say anything, be human. Talk to a woman like you would talk to a regular person, and stop treating her like she’s ET’s sister. That’s how you approach a woman you’re interested in. Remember that you’re not truly interested in her until you get to know her.
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So how do you get to know her? You must talk to her. Communicate with her. Speak to her. Talk to her like you would anybody else. In my 20 years of being a relationship expert and helping men and women understand each other, I basically have told men the same thing over and over again: Stop worrying so much about what you say and just say anything. Realize women are more open than you think. They’ll put the phone down if you come and talk to them, if you’re confident about what you say, if you speak to them like you would an old friend. But if you go over there and try to say something clever that’s really not clever, if you say something stupid that you’ve seen on the Internet, or if you’re just shaking in your pants because you’re so afraid to talk to her, she’s going to feel that energy and want to run.
The only way you make a woman interested in you is if you treat her as you treat anybody else, and it’s something that I do all the time. This dating advice works. The problem is that men have been marketed to death and made to believe that they need to do something so spectacular. Try talking to her about what’s going on in the moment and listen to what she has to say. Just treat her like a human being.
David Wygant is an internationally-renowned dating and relationship expert, author of the book Naked, and speaker. Through his boot camps, personal coaching, and his website, his love advice has transformed the relationships and love of hundreds of thousands of people from every corner of the globe.
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