Checklist for Dating from Different Decades: Get Love Advice from ‘The Bachelor’ Star Arie Luyendyk, Jr.

Cupid's Pulse Article: Checklist for Dating from Different Decades: Get Love Advice from ‘The Bachelor’ Star Arie Luyendyk, Jr.

Arie Luyendyk Jr. Photo: Instagram/@ariejr.

By Megan Weks

There is a bit of a buzz going on about the age gap between some of the contestants and the leading man on season 22 of The Bachelor. Is it really a big deal? After all, significant age differences are often common in celebrity relationships. A notable one is Mary-Kate Olsen and French businessman Olivier Sarkozy, who is seventeen years older than the fashion designer. Celebrity couple Hugh Jackman and Deborra-lee Furness also seem to be handling the test of time: She is thirteen years his senior, and they have been married for nearly two decades.

Love Advice from Bachelor Star Arie Luyendyk Jr.

What should we look out for if we are dating someone from a different decade? Since Arie Luyendyk Jr. seems well-prepared to qualify the candidates on The Bachelor, we might be able to get some great love advice from his experiences. He has self-proclaimed “baby fever” and is therefore seeking a match who is ready to tie the knot and start a family.

Related Link: Celebrity News: ‘Bachelor’ Star Arie Luyendyk Jr. Justifies First Impression Rose Pick

A good relationship starts with good intentions — which means, if both people know what they want out of life and have similar values, there is a much better chance for success, regardless of a difference in age. Luyendyk knows what he wants, which will make it easier for him to see if the intentions of the women he meets match his own. When people do not have clarity on what they want out of life, they can easily veer away from one another on the path to self-discovery.

Regarding his decision-making process with regard to age, according to The Hollywood Reporter, Luyendyk said, “I only really addressed that if I felt it was an issue — if there was some immaturity or if I questioned whether they were really ready for marriage. It’s more about readiness and about being able to take that next step.”

Realize that, if you choose a mate from a different decade, there will be things you don’t have in common. My husband, who is ten years older than me, has different musical interests and grew up knowing different movies and shows. However, since I had an older sibling and am a person who likes all the arts, we find similarities among our tastes. This difference could become frustrating, however, for those who cannot connect through the arts because inevitably, you’ll be spending time listening to music and watching movies and shows together. Therefore, it’s ideal to be able to find some common ground in media that you can enjoy together.

Related Link: Expert Love Advice: How I Used a Manfunnel to Meet My Dream Husband

Another thing to look out for: Either you or your partner will be aging at what seems like a faster rate. Your partner may be reaching the next stage of life — middle age or elderly — before you. This difference might start to be more noticeable for you if you’re the younger half. You’ll want to be sure you have enough of a soul connection that this situation won’t matter to you.

Overall, if your goals, values, and soul connection are intact, then age truly is just a number.

For more information about dating expert Megan Weks, visit her website at www.meganweks.com. For more relationship advice articles from Megan, click here

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Expert Relationship Advice: When to Sleep Over

Cupid's Pulse Article: Expert Relationship Advice: When to Sleep Over

Happy relationship. Photo: Subbotina Anna / Bigstock.com

By Megan Weks

When to sleep with someone is a personal decision; it must be considered for each specific situation. However, before you decide, influenced by him as the external factor, an internal overview is always the first consideration.

Consider the expert relationship advice below:

Many great loves that have begun with an immediate naked, giddy romp have turned into serious relationships and lasting love stories. You may even know a couple who started off this way. Even so, I’m going to offer some expert relationship advice for you to think about before making the fateful decision to jump into the sack.

Being single can be tiresome. Our bodies ache and yearn for closeness. The discomfort of pulling yourself together after work to be date-ready, skipping workouts, and spending money on clothes and cabs, only to have to face an unknown person who decides whether you’re a yes or a no, can be a process of grueling anxiety.

Related Link: Dating Advice: When Should I Sleep with a Guy?

It’s easier to slip into your comfy stretch pants and dive onto your warm, cozy couch for some yummy snuggles with the hot-blooded male specimen standing before you. You crave to feel a warm touch or a tickle on your back and perhaps gentle cheek kisses. Ahhh. The delicious comfort of a relationship! The urgency to advance quickly into this stage has many of us skipping the necessary qualifying steps that, ideally, come before committing to an exclusive relationship.

There are two ways to approach the intimacy process in a new relationship. The first is to dive right in, learn about the guy’s intentions and goals, and hope that the relationship falls into place (keeping in mind that his words don’t necessarily determine his intentions — only time and consistency will reveal his true intentions). If you take this approach, you’ll be making relationship decisions after the physical bond has been formed. Even if this man is not right for you on multiple other planes, you’ll have to determine that while feeling physically attached to him! Therefore, your body will be yearning for closeness with him, while you’re still trying to figure out if he wants what you want, has similar values, and so on.

After having sex, it’s proven that your brain makes cloudy (hormone-influenced) decisions about the person to whom you are attached. This is how we end up in time-consuming “mini-relationships,” often followed by painful “mini-break-ups.”

Do you have relationships that begin hot and heavy and then start to taper off and fade away? Do you have a hard time getting serious interest from men? Have you not had a serious relationship in longer than you would care to admit? If so, I want to stress this second approach to the intimacy process: Take your time to get to know a guy over two to three months before the sleepover. The process where you learn about one another slowly, without exclusivity and without sex, is what I call The Exploratory Phase of the relationship. If you include this phase in your dating process, you will decrease your number of sexual partners and increase the likelihood that your relationship will stand the test of time.

Even naturals at love can still fall prey and find themselves mired in many time-consuming :miniature-serious” relationships. You see, when you dive in head first, you put yourself in a position I call Lay and Pray. This is when the physical part of the relationship occurs before the actual relationship. A woman who gets caught up in Lay and Pray is telling herself that she can handle it and that she’s going to remain cool while things fall into place. Sound familiar? However, in this place of uncertainty, she’s feeling uneasy, seeking for answers or clues to help her define what’s happening with the relationship.

Related Link: Expert Relationship Advice: How I Used a Manfunnel to Meet My Dream Husband

Even if what she is experiencing with him is not ideal, she’s not exploring other options because she feels attached and is not interested in seeking out other possibilities. Women whom I define as naturals at love might still have a decent ROI (return on investment) with this method of dating because the naturals usually have a better feeling about the men who are coming into their lives. This means that, since they are making overall healthier choices when it comes to men, they will have a higher ROI in their dating process. Even though a woman may be able to jump into bed and have a chance of that turning into a solid relationship, she still needs to consider her goals, her health, and the time investment she is willing to put into having multiple “mini-serious” relationships.

Keep in mind that if he’s the right man for you, you’ll likely have the rest of your life to enjoy him, both in bed and on the couch. Either way, happy humping!

For more information about dating expert Megan Weks, visit her website at www.meganweks.com. For more expert relationship advice articles from Megan, click here

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Relationship Advice: Keep Your Man By Becoming a Multi-Faceted Woman

Cupid's Pulse Article: Relationship Advice: Keep Your Man By Becoming a Multi-Faceted Woman

Couple holding hands in a restaurant. Photo: .shock / Bigstock.com

By Megan weks

We can all risk becoming complacent at points in our lives. Therefore, my final tip to share on keeping the man you desire is to become and to remain a multi-faceted woman. This is a woman who is interesting, well-rounded, and has a life beyond the man or children. A big complaint I hear from men in my practice is that women lose their curiosity and sense of adventure about life and become creatures of habit who are addicted to comfort. I want you to know that you can’t assume your man will remain attracted to you if you sink into this situation.

One of my biggest pieces of relationship advice: You must work to keep things fiery and fun!

Do you have multiple interests and passions? If the answer is no, you risk losing your luster over time. In order for your man to remain interested in you for the long term, you need to remain interesting. He needs to know that there is always something he doesn’t know about you yet. If there aren’t hidden tidbits of information to uncover about you, you’ve still got a chance to create some mystery about you to keep him interested. Here are some tips to become, and remain, that multifaceted woman who will fascinate him for life:

1. Learning. There are so many incredible things to learn about in this life and not enough time t! If you don’t have a passion, that’s okay. Be on the lookout for anything you feel even a tiny bit curious about because it can snowball into a brand-new interest or hobby. Put yourself in the right situation to learn about it by reading a book or going to a class or event about it. If you find that you never stick with anything or become bored, you need to know that to become great at something, you must be able to work at it, even without passion.

2. Don’t lose yourself in your relationship or your children. Schedule time for yourself to fuel your personal growth as an individual. This will strengthen your relationship with your partner and will inspire your children to become more well-rounded,. My friend Shelley just took her eight-week old baby to Italy last week. She strapped him in the Babybjorn and took a hike to a vineyard with her husband. She came to the city last night with her baby in tow for a grownup dinner, and told us all about her trip. She’s living her life and remaining curious and adventurous! I’m telling this story to spark your inspiration. Tammin Sursok from Pretty Little Liars says, “splice up your day in sections. Do a little adult, a little kid.” (source: bravotv.com)

3. Be daring. Jack Canfield said that your greatest triumph is on the other side of your greatest fears. What they mean by that is that life starts outside of your comfort zone. Become aware of the fears that keep you stuck, and consciously push yourself forward to the other side of your fears. When you do this, you’ll surprise yourself with your potential and ability for growth, . which will not go unnoticed by your admiring partner!

Take out your pen and paper and create a list of interesting things you will incorporate into your world in the next few months. Looking back, you’ll be surprised and proud of what you’ve accomplished by following through on your list. Your man will be thrilled to sit down with you at dinner to hear what’s new in your ever-changing, ever-expanding world.

Megan Weks is an international dating and relationship expert who specializes in helping women get the admiration they deserve from men, and to keep it. She is a certified specialist in her field, but one of her biggest credentials is her personal story. Living in New York City for over a decade, Megan has had the opportunity to meet and date many different men. Through working with a relationship guru, she literally changed from crumb-picking and obsessing over men who didn’t deserve her, to being called a “man whisperer” who men (including her now-husband) would never leave. Megan’s career is devoted to helping women who struggle with the men in their lives, to turn it all around and keep the men they desire. Aside from her coaching practice of saving hearts, She writes a monthly love column for LVBX Magazine and runs a private online woman’s discussion group where women are supported with these principles.

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Relationship Advice: How Your Excitement Drives Your Expectations

Cupid's Pulse Article: Relationship Advice: How Your Excitement Drives Your Expectations

Excited couple at a slot machine. Photo: Kzenon / Bigstock.com

By Megan Weks

Most recently, we talked about the number one thing you will need to keep your man around. The relationship advice centered around the deep inner knowing that you are worthy. Usually, when that is sound, the other behaviors fall into place. However, there are some things that even the most confident women do to sabotage a man’s feelings. The second biggest tip I can share for holding onto a man that you desire is to be aware of how your excitement drives your expectations.

It’s important to understand how your excitement is interpreted by your man and manage your expectations in a healthy and attractive way.

Here is an example. I see many women getting ahead of themselves in their budding relationships. They have leaped way beyond where the relationship actually is at the moment. They are putting the lamp, the book, and the purse on the table before it even has legs. It’s important for the relationship to grow and become stabilized before expectations become too strong and create pressure.

Related Link: Relationship Advice: Don’t Let Him Be the One Who Got Away

Your expectations help you do these things:

1. Lose the mystique and mystery that he loves about you. He really loves not knowing exactly how the relationship will unfold.

2. Decrease the fun for him. Your expectations feel like pressure to him, which simply kills the fun!

3. Make you seem needy. Your expectations can make your energy feel clingy and constricting, which is like taking a can of man repellent out of your purse and spraying it on him.

4. Take away the work that he needs to do to fall in love with you. Yes, he wants to work for his prize. Ignore this information at your own peril!

Related Link: Dating Advice: 4 Reasons Younger Women In The City Struggle To Forge Meaningful Relationships

Some tips to help you manage your expectations:

1. Keep your life intact, the way it was before he came along. Don’t assume that each weekend will be reserved for the relationship. When you develop ideas about the way things should be, you’ll set yourself up for disappointment. Disappointments from expectations can be damaging to early relationships. If he senses that he is unable to please you because of a series of disappointments, it can be the beginning of the end. If he feels like he’s unable to please you, he’ll eventually stop trying . He’ll find someone who gives more importance to what he does well instead of focusing on his shortcomings.

2. Don’t jump to conclusions. When we feel disappointed, we can start to think the worst kinds of thoughts. Give him the time and space to surprise you. If you doubt him and make it known that you have doubts, he will be less inspired to please you!

3. Get your needs met by yourself or others so you require less of his attempts. Don’t expect him to fulfill them right from the beginning. It feels much more light and airy to him when your needs are met by you, and his affections are just the icing on the cake!
Don’t confuse this with not needing him at all or being too independent, which can backfire. What’s cake without icing, anyhow?

Obviously, excitement is part of the dating and relationship process. Otherwise, what would be the point? The tip is, however, to keep your excitement in check so it doesn’t explode into a too-early-expectations time bomb. If you want to keep the man you desire, you’ll want to curb your excitement a little until you know for sure it’s the real deal.

Slow and steady wins the race of love.

Megan Weks is an international dating and relationship expert who specializes in helping women get the admiration they deserve from men, and to keep it. She is a certified specialist in her field, but one of her biggest credentials is her personal story. Living in New York City for over a decade, Megan has had the opportunity to meet and date many different men. Through working with a relationship guru, she literally changed from crumb-picking and obsessing over men who didn’t deserve her, to being called a “man whisperer” who men (including her now-husband) would never leave. Megan’s career is devoted to helping women who struggle with the men in their lives, to turn it all around and keep the men they desire. Aside from her coaching practice of saving hearts, She writes a monthly love column for LVBX Magazine and runs a private online woman’s discussion group where women are supported with these principles.

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Relationship Advice: Don’t Let Him Be the One Who Got Away

Cupid's Pulse Article: Relationship Advice: Don’t Let Him Be the One Who Got Away

Couple holding hands in a restaurant. Photo: .shock / Bigstock.com

By Megan Weks

You’ve been navigating the sea of men on the dating apps for months. You’ve been on at least 10 bad dates, and a few okay ones. You’ve been ghosted by the ones you actually liked. So now that you’ve finally met a good guy and it’s snowballing into something REAL, you’re overflowing with joy, relief, and maybe a little bit of nerves. You don’t want him to fade away like others have in the past. So, you worry, “How can I keep him around?”

With these tools in your box, you’ll be able to land your man and keep him for life. Here’s some relationship advice:

The number one tip to keep in mind is that you must work on your personal sense of worthiness. This might seem obvious, but it’s the primary thing women need to work on to maintain successful relationships. All of our behaviors that are perceived as turn-offs to men come down to our internalized level of worthiness.

Related Link: Five Ways To Get His Undivided Attention

You developed your sense of worthiness when you were a kid. We all naturally input selective information, which can either work for us or against us. It works whichever way we choose (or subconsciously choose), based on a belief from the past. For example, if you had brothers who told you that you were not lovable or unattractive when you were a little girl, you may have continued to believe the lies that you internalized then. Even after you grow into an undeniable foxette, a deep belief may linger that your beauty is only a mirage. No one is exempt from this. Even the gorgeous Jennifer Lopez feels unworthy of true love. According to E! News, she said, “It’s how you feel as a child, being a middle child and seeming invisible sometimes, and trying to get attention. This is still a work in progress for me.”

There are six ways you’re showing him you’re unworthy. Why not keep him instead?

1. Being over-accommodating to your man. Making the relationship easier or more convenient for him. Going out of your way for him frequently. Being overly complimentary.
2. Feeling guilty, or having a sense of owing him when he does nice things for you. Being unable to receive his offerings without reciprocating.
3. Over-giving and care-taking him. Finding men that need fixing and trying to solve their problems. Becoming his therapist, giving business, career, psychological advice, etc.
4. Being jealous, doubting his feelings or intentions, and seeking constant reassurance. Becoming overly concerned with his previous relationships, even though they’re over.
5. Feeling unworthy of his admiration, and wondering why he likes you. Feeling like you’re not enough. Comparing yourself to his exes. Making up excuses for why he could not like a person like you.
6. Rushing into a relationship before it’s determined to be an ideal fit for your life. Also, staying in the relationship when your needs aren’t being met.

If you are signaling these behaviors frequently, he’ll catch wind that you’re doubting your worthiness inside the relationship. Even if he knows that you’re a catch, his mind will have a hard time fighting off the messages you’re sending, and he’ll eventually conclude that you’re not worthy of his love! If you want to keep this great man you’ve found, you’ll need to break through to your deep inner belief system to make sure you truly believe that you’re worthy of his love.

Related Link: Relationship Advice: 4 Ways to Keep Your Long-Term Relationship Hot this Summer

Listen to the voices inside that tell you hopeful things about yourself. Those are your truths. Ignore the negative things. To make lasting change on your inner beliefs, you need to tell yourself you’re worthy, all the time. Make it your new mantra. Eventually, you’re going to believe it deep down inside. We are all here to love and be loved. He sees all of those hopeful things that you believe about yourself. Don’t lose sight of that important fact.

Megan Weks is an international dating and relationship expert who specializes in helping women get the admiration they deserve from men, and to keep it. She is a certified specialist in her field, but one of her biggest credentials is her personal story. Living in New York City for over a decade, Megan has had the opportunity to meet and date many different men. Through working with a relationship guru, she literally changed from crumb-picking and obsessing over men who didn’t deserve her, to being called a “man whisperer” who men (including her now-husband) would never leave. Megan’s career is devoted to helping women who struggle with the men in their lives, to turn it all around and keep the men they desire. Aside from her coaching practice of saving hearts, She writes a monthly love column for LVBX Magazine and runs a private online woman’s discussion group where women are supported with these principles.

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